Thursday, May 8, 2014


Gangsters are splattered across a disco floor, the DJ is bumping to the limit, and you've just knifed 3 fucks in the face. You're playing Hotline Miami.

Normally in a review, I'd talk about all the different aspects of the bla bla bla, but holy shit this game is awesome. You can see the neon screenshots in this post, but you can't see the colors fade in and out of every color of the rainbow and a few that are too beautiful to even describe in words but that will surely bring tears of joy to your ugly face.

If this game is making me hostile, then "fuck you" who cares. Pa-pow! You'll go crazy too because of how crazy awesome this shit is.

I saw someone playing this game on twitch yesterday. Immediately I downloaded it from, but I could have got it on Steam. If it ever goes on sale on Steam I'll buy it there too just for the Steam achievements and to show everyone that I'm playing 400 additional hours of it.

It's $9.99 on any platform, and well worth every penny. Actually, if you are a Playstation Plus subscriber, you might already have free access to it. I know a friend of mine does, and when I'm done with this "review" I'm going to send him belligerent text messages about it. Not that it's very usful information, but it is perhaps interesting: the game was developed with Game Maker and the Phyre Engine, tools that are pretty easy to get your hands on. Game Maker is only 50 bucks, and you could publish a Steam game with it.

The world of indie video games has obviously entered a Renaissance. Hotline Miami and the masterpieces of our era, but it all started with Cave Story.

But fuck Cave Story we are talking about slaughtering Russian gangsters in 1989 Miami, and it's never been as cool. In terms of storytelling, most gamers will tell you they don't understand it. Well fuck those people, use your brain and it's not hard. Obviously there is a little room for interpretation, but the sequel (Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number) should shed even more light on the drug-fueled adventures of the dude in the Jacket.

Hotline Miami owes a lot to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and that's a good thing. I've seen a lot of GTA-bashing surrounding this game, but that's all horse shit. Maybe GTA stories are too serious, but Vice City wasn't fucking serious at all. It was just scarface, the wackier, cooler video game.

Hotline Miami is more like a David Cronenberg film than a Brian DePalma; it's dark, it's smart, it's a mindfuck and roller coaster ride. You can't afford not to play Hotline Miami.

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