Sketch - Girl 2

Drawing in MS Paint. 

I had to make the actual image off-centered so it would show up better on the blog.

HOTLINE MIAMI REVIEW

Gangsters are splattered across a disco floor, the DJ is bumping to the limit, and you've just knifed 3 fucks in the face. You're playing Hotline Miami.

Normally in a review, I'd talk about all the different aspects of the bla bla bla, but holy shit this game is awesome. You can see the neon screenshots in this post, but you can't see the colors fade in and out of every color of the rainbow and a few that are too beautiful to even describe in words but that will surely bring tears of joy to your ugly face.

If this game is making me hostile, then "fuck you" who cares. Pa-pow! You'll go crazy too because of how crazy awesome this shit is.

I saw someone playing this game on twitch yesterday. Immediately I downloaded it from GOG.com, but I could have got it on Steam. If it ever goes on sale on Steam I'll buy it there too just for the Steam achievements and to show everyone that I'm playing 400 additional hours of it.

It's $9.99 on any platform, and well worth every penny. Actually, if you are a Playstation Plus subscriber, you might already have free access to it. I know a friend of mine does, and when I'm done with this "review" I'm going to send him belligerent text messages about it. Not that it's very usful information, but it is perhaps interesting: the game was developed with Game Maker and the Phyre Engine, tools that are pretty easy to get your hands on. Game Maker is only 50 bucks, and you could publish a Steam game with it.

The world of indie video games has obviously entered a Renaissance. Hotline Miami and the masterpieces of our era, but it all started with Cave Story.

But fuck Cave Story we are talking about slaughtering Russian gangsters in 1989 Miami, and it's never been as cool. In terms of storytelling, most gamers will tell you they don't understand it. Well fuck those people, use your brain and it's not hard. Obviously there is a little room for interpretation, but the sequel (Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number) should shed even more light on the drug-fueled adventures of the dude in the Jacket.

Hotline Miami owes a lot to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and that's a good thing. I've seen a lot of GTA-bashing surrounding this game, but that's all horse shit. Maybe GTA stories are too serious, but Vice City wasn't fucking serious at all. It was just scarface, the wackier, cooler video game.

Hotline Miami is more like a David Cronenberg film than a Brian DePalma; it's dark, it's smart, it's a mindfuck and roller coaster ride. You can't afford not to play Hotline Miami.

Arcade Music

What's your perfect arcade playlist? Not talking about music from arcade games, just the heavenly tunes that permeate those dark flashing smoke filled computer temples of the past.

I've got a few suggestions to get your personal Arcade playlist started, but to get an authentic feel we need to move beyond the obvious "Come On Eileen's" and "Billie Jeans's."

So let us build a list of the best sounds for your own personal arcade. Or for a 10 hours M.A.M.E. binge. No judgements.

1. The Clash - Death or Glory
2. The Police - Walking on the Moon
3. Flock of Seagulls - Space Age Love Song
4. Flock of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away)
5. The Alan Parson's Project - Games People Play
6. David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes
7. Blondie - Atomic
8. Paul Engemann - Scarface (Push it to the Limit)
9. R.E.M. - The One I Love
10. Talking Head - Psycho Killer

What else we got? Post your own additions, suggestions, etc.

All Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar Dungeon Maps

An elegant and compact set of all the dungeons in Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar. Ultima 4 is probably the most imitated game of all time, and pretty much every RPG since has been a failed attempt at mimicking the greatness of Ultima 4. 

Frog Bog Intellivision

Frog Bog was one of several games featured in the recent cult classic film Grandma's Boy. It's easy to see why: the movie definitely has a retro penchant, and an Intellivision game is perfect for the movie's comedic vibe.

Supposedly this game is a remake of Frogs and Flies for the Atari 2600, but for some reason I just like Frog Bog better. The graphics are definitely improved, but I enjoy the controls on the Intellivision, oddly enough, better than on the Atari.

In the movie, a younger gamer challenges pro-taganist Alex to a game of Frog Bog, and its the perfect choice for multiplayer action. The game test reflexes, timing, and prediction of parabolas (mental calculus) to the extreme. Your competition is the only real difficulty setting, because the computer is laughably easy. Both players jump around catching flies for three minutes, flies are worth different amounts of points, and the player with the most points after three minutes wins the game.

There are several different control options. A fixed arc across the lilypads serves as the easy setting. I prefer medium, in which you have to plan your jumps more carefully by holding down the button to determine velocity; this setting also allows you to choose between low hops and high hops. This also allows the players to fall off the lilypads, and this is great because it only penalizes you by taking a little time to swim back up to the lilypad. Its both realistic (i.e. frogs shouldn't die when they touch the deadly water) and fair. Players won't be discouraged from taking risks, and an agressive strategy is the only way to victory.

As you play, the pond shifts slowly into nighttime--a nice graphical touch, and one that provides the game with some extra charm. The game was included in the PC, PS2, and DS versions of Intellivision Lives! On the DS you can play single-cart multiplayer with a friend of stranger. It's a game you can challenge anyone to, anytime-- to the death or for money.